Humbled

I added a verse to this photo that I shared earlier.  I keep looking at this darling, angry face and know there is NO humbleness going on here.  There is no brokenness, no contriteness.  Only a demand of getting his own way and anger at being told no.  The difference between being disciplined and crying in pain and being caught versus the cry of repentance.  How often is this the face I'm making on the inside when God tells me no?  It's not pretty.  Or how about the adult that's been caught living in sin and promises not to take those actions again, but there is no repentance? and he'd make those same choices again if he could?


God is only pleased in confession when we express a broken and repentant heart before Him.  A heart bowed down low, letting go of pride and saying, "I was wrong and I broke God's rules.  I need God's help in being obedient and making choices that please Him" and then accept whatever discipline is necessary.


I struggle so much in not just to discipline my children, but to also, and more importantly, reach their hearts.  For them to have a heart that wants to please Jesus, and not just exhibit right actions.  After experiencing a particularly rough day with my 4 year old, she says, "Mama, I try so hard to do what Jesus wants me to do, but it's just so hard!"


I have learned so much about being a child of God by becoming a parent.  That I too, would be repentant over my sins and accept the Father's loving discipline.  That I, too, hurt the heart of God when I sin.  I make the same mistakes over and over again, and His Love Endures Forever.  He always forgives. So must I.



The Gifts the Father Lavished on me this week:
#358-
Studying Esther--God has a plan even when we don't see Him at work
Long bike rides
Rainy days and movies
Praying with friends
Reading books together under the tree
Riding bikes up and down the sidewalk
Clean sheets that smell like fresh air
Husband coming home after a long day
Squeals of "Da-Da" from Mav when Daddy comes home
Seeing Tim and Mav snuggled up together watching YouTube videos of trucks
Hannah diligently drawing birds and horses
Growing bodies from summer's fresh air
Divine appointments with a friend on FB
Reading the story of the Great Redemption with my girls
Luxury of study time
Fog condensing on my eye lashes during early morning runs
Friends who ask the hard questions
Ice cream dates
Windy walks on the pier
Babysitters who build outdoor forts and do real tea parties...because I never do
Scratches and bugbites earned hard at play
Watching my 4 year old flirt with another 4yo across the sanctuary during singing time at church
Prayer was given proper time of worship during offering today
Ryan teaching on integrity in Sunday school today
Jesus was a man's man, not passive or without godly authority, a real thinker
Newly mowed grass
Girls out on errands with daddy
Pool is up and without leaks

Trust in the Lord and Do Good

Trust in the LORD and do good.

Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.

Take delight in the LORD,

and he will give you your heart's desire

Psalm 37:3-4

The Lord has been good to me and is faithful to keep his promises.  I am safe.  I am prospering.  My heart is full.

For the beauty of the earth

For the glory of the skies,

For the love which from our birth

Over and around us lies.

For the beauty of each hour,

Of the day and of the night,

Hill and vale, and tree and flower,

Sun and moon, and stars of light.

For each perfect gift of Thine,

To our race so freely given,

Graces human and divine,

Flowers of earth and buds of Heaven.

Lord of all, to Thee we raise,

This our hymn of grateful praise.

Jesus, You continue to Grace-gift me with abundant blessings...


#323-340

Celebrating home going of a believer, my grandpa

My brother, grandson and pastor, preached Gospel message

Cousin considering bringing family to church

My children by my side, quiet and still

Honor brought by serving in military

Husband who missed work for me

Marvel at the closeness of the dozen siblings of my grandpa's--only half remaining

Promise of God holding my hand

Baby Benjamin, 10 days old, meeting many family members

Blossoms on our fruit plants and bushes--promise of fruit to come

New Bible study--Bring on Esther

Working Colossians 2 into my mind and heart

My son can miss several days of naps and still be sweet--mostly

Hearing his squeals of delight over a dog

Hearing Hannah miss her sister

Makenna spending much needed time alone with Nana and Papa

Practicing seeing details and studying and drawing strawberry plants

Gardening together

Almighty Gives Me Life

For the Spirit of God has made me, 

and the Breath of the Almighty gives me life.  Job 33:4

Daily sustains, provides and restores life to me.  To ME!
I am trusting God for He is good.  His love endures forever.


This week I got off track and neglected several of my disciplines.  I did not give thanks.  I did not read much of the Word.  I did not eat right.  I was angry.  I yelled.  I hurt. 


This week I am leaning hard into His arms of Grace for it is much needed.

Counting His Goodnesses to Me #258-268

• New sound system at church to better communicate God's message
• Color in bloom around us
• Greeting Amish girls at grocery store
• Mav playing in dirt with rocks
• My mother.  She continues to be an example of patience and selflessness
• Jogging again.
• Zumba with friends

Jessica and Colin's wedding
Seeing old friends
Celebrating new life
Finding beauty in the details around me

Every Good and Perfect Gift is from the Great Giver

I know God is the All Sufficient One.  He longs to be the One we go to for nourishment and filling.  For finding our significance and purpose.  I want to echo the words of the Psalmist:

There is nothing on earth I desire more than you, God!

One thing I ask for and seek....the Lord!

When life doesn't make sense, when friends are being tested for cancer today and he's only 26, the only Truth I can cling to is that God is good all the time and He is the giver of good things.

So, I'm continuing to count the gifts...

153. Many days of sunshine

154.  Tree study:  tracking changes on the Maple tree in front yard.

155.  Trying a new dish for supper.

156.  Accomplishments!  getting many of our crafts completed during our craft night

157.  Children sleeping in

158.  Watching Hannah try to skip...and seeing her younger sister do it better.

159.  Dishes to wash...we have food to eat!

160.  True nature study this week--walk down by the swamp

161.  Stop to see Tim at work--kids were excited!

162.  New batch of orange Tea made

163.  New books from library

164.  a weekend of relaxing

165.  Tim got the taxes done.

166.  Snuggling with kids on movie night

167.  Reading missionary stories with children

168.  Studying Scripture and being able to share it.

169.  New bracelet

170.  Searching swamp for pussy willows and cattails

171.  Tim and Mav play trucks together

Live by Every Word

I've been busy this week.  Every spare minute I had seemed to get spent on preparing for my Sunday School lesson in the book of James.  This book has been instrumental in my life over the past few months of study.  I thought I had studied this book before, but God's Word is quick and powerful, alive and breathing and moving.  The layers of the onion-skin pages are what I think of when I see the truths of the God-Breathed Word being revealed anew and afresh before me.  Praise God!

This past week's study was on James 3:13-4:3 and I want to share a few snippets with you throughout the week of the things I gleaned.  I was simultaneously reading 3 books by John Piper that found it's way into my lesson as well--now you know why it took every spare minute of last week!  "Think", "The Power of Words and the Wonder of God" and Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ" (which I have yet to finish) were the three that I chose.  Desiring God has many of Piper's books that you can read for free, which was how I accessed 2 of these books.

So much of James focuses on our works that prove our faith.  In this section, he also says that our works are a proof of our wisdom--does it come from God or from man?  Ultimately, our works and words reveal our hearts and mind.

"It is with the mind that decisions are made, whether moral or amoral in nature. It is with the mind that one chooses to accept God and obey his commandments, or to reject him and rebel against him. "

 Job made a covenant with his eyes in order to bind on his heart the pattern of holiness he needed to develop.  Temptation, and therefore spiritual compromise, often find their easiest access route to the heart via the eyes.  By the same token, sin may find its easiest exit route from our hearts via the mouth (prov 4:23-24*).  Guarding the heart involves guarding the tongue.

Remember "Garbage in, Garbage out"?  It's definitely true of us, too!  It all revolves around our heart and mind.  What we fill ourselves with will be what comes out of us.  That is why I have a new understanding for why Scripture is so vital to our daily living.  It's not just so we know what to do and how to do it--following the rules...it's the very sustenance of my life!

We live by every word that comes out of God’s mouth.  God’s Word sanctifies us.  As the words that have been formed in God’s mouth are digested as the Bread of Life in us, they begin to form our thinking, affections, and volitions in a wonderful way. 

If that's true, then we have an eating disorder on our hands!  I'm struggling with spiritual anorexia!  Am I now on a binge?  I hope that's not true...in the sense that I'm gorging myself with no real taste or ability to digest only to find myself in another anorexic binge.  Maybe this analogy makes you laugh, but I am dead serious.  Starving leads to body functions shutting down and doing without.  Spiritual deprivation from the Bread of Life will lead to parts of our lives being neglected and shutting down.

Sin is so elusive and slippery that we are often unaware of it until it's trap has been set.  We generally know our "strengths" and "weaknesses" and have our eyes focused on working on fixing our strengths.  But beware!

       “We foolishly assume that our real struggles with sin are in the areas where we are “weak”.  We do not well understand the depth of sin until we realize that it has made its home far more subtly where we are “strong” and in our gifts rather than in our weaknesses and inadequacies.  It is the very giftedness God has given that sin has been at its most perverse and subtle.”

I am slowly becoming aware of daily grace that God grants to me.  My eyes are starting to spot the gifts as they come and I can appreciate them so much more as being something that I don't deserve.  The Father is the Giver of great gifts.

145.  Mav is taking a few more steps this weekend at Nana & Papa's--watching his mind decide it would just be easier to carry things around if he walked!

146.  Weekend alone with Tim at the Butterfly Gardens, Hot-tubbing, dinner and shopping!

147.  Joy in the Spirit! Working His messages into me and Pastor M on a similar topic

148. Grocery shopping alone

149.  Order of books came in the mail today!

150. Friends over to play games

151. First 2-mile run of the year

152.  Colorful flowers that fill my hunger for beauty when everything around me is gray and dull

Another Reason I want to be a Woman of Prayer

Practicing Prayer


"Prayer is the open admission that without Christ we can do nothing.  And prayer is the turning away from ourselves to God in the confidence that He will provide the help we need.  Prayer humbles us as needy and exalts God as wealthy."


Remember the story of the woman at the well in John 4?  Jesus is basically saying,


   " ' If you just knew the gift of God and who I am you would ask me--you would pray to Me!'  There is a direct correlation between not knowing Jesus well and not asking much from Him.  A failure in our prayer life is generally a failure to know Jesus...Christians who spend time in prayer--do it because they see God as the great Giver and Christ is wise and merciful and powerful beyond measure.  And therefore their prayer glorifies Christ and honors His Father...the chief end of man is to glorify God:  become a people of prayer!" (Desiring God by John Piper p. 161)


I am a prideful woman.  I need prayer because I really have no control over this life, and I need Him desperately.  I say He's Messiah, Christ, Lord.  I want to live this way and practice this daily, many times throughout my day.  The constant reminder to myself that I can accomplish meaningless things in my own strength or pray and work in HIS power, to be filled with HIS joy, rely on HIS grace.

God is Great Giver, and He's given me these things this week:


119. First walk of the Spring
120.  New photos taken during our walk

121.  Seeing Kenna chasing chickens with all her might
122.  New haircut and highlights
123.  Picking up my co-op order
124. Makenna (4 yr) reciting books of NT almost perfectly because she's heard big sis recite them so often
125.  Reading Ramona--my childhood books--to my girls
126.  laughing with my parents over the way my child is misbehaving just like I used to: "The Stare" must be genetic

127.  Joy of seeing Makenna learning so much at Cubbies this year
128.  Husband touches
129.  Experiencing beauty around me and wanting to write poetically
130.  Anticipation of Butterfly display at the Gardens
131.  Chickens are out & about & crowing & laying more eggs
132.  Girls running outside without snow pants!
133.  Sunny days with no clouds!  I just learned that we are the 2nd cloudiest place to live (after Portland)
134.  Hearing God speak as I'm spending more time, regular time in His Word.
135.  The joy of girls swinging and feeling hair loose and flying
136.  Cooking new 7 Grain Cereal for breakfast
137.  Poking earth and soil to see how fruit bushes and plants survived their first winter
138.  Children giggling as they wrestle with Daddy
139.  Mav totter another 3 steps
140.  Enjoying Cinderella play with children
141.  Hearing Harmony in Worship in both the young girls' and the gentlemen's quartets
142.  Hearing Hannah excited to read "real" books--Hop on Pop and Pal and Sal
143.  Staying up late to read
144.  Tim building relationships at men's retreat over the weekend